I love free shit. Free shit is great… so Shoemoney was all like “Yo, I heard you like free shit, so I put some free shit in my blog so you can get free shit while you blog.” Great!

Anyways, this is what Shoe has to offer to the winner -

• 1 Platinum pass to Affiliate Summit (by Affiliate Summit) – This gets you access to all the panels and shit no one really listens to. It would have been a delight if Dennis Yu and Shoe were still on that panel together, but being the pussies they are, they both dropped out of their speaking positions. I guess there might be some valuable information to obtain here though… like “Mommy Bloggers: Changing the Face of Affiliate Marketing?” Now… Nickycakes ripped on these chicks… eff you man you know it’s going to be filled with MILFs. Other than that I’ll probably just pawn this thing off to some Zac Johnson reader willing to pay 10 times its real value.
• 3 Nights hotel paid in full (by Affiliate Summit) – I’ll just assume they mean the Penthouse Suite. K THX!
• Airfare – up to $500 in airfare reimbursement. – $500 + the 1 – 2k I get from selling the pass above should cover my airfare costs on first class from Thailand. Sweet thanks dude.
• Roll with [Shoemoney] to some super badass private parties – This really means go to some sausage fests and fondle Shoe’s balls in the bathroom. I’m all for that, as long as I’m stupid drunk and don’t remember anything the next morning.

And then you get this shit:

$1,000.00 cash yours to keep and walk away with.

OR

$2,000.00 cash with the stipulation you must bet it all on 1 hand of blackjack OR 1 spin of the roulette wheel betting either red or black.

You’re in Vegas… someone hands you free money. What do you do with it. You either get some “special room service” or you blow it on some gambling. I’ll take the 50/50 chance on the 2k, hopefully double up on that, then buy some “special room service” for all the judges of this contest. If I happen to blow it, well, I guess I could provide some special room service if you’d like . What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

I guess I should talk about the guys I’ll have to give a happy ending to if I lose -

Shoemoney – I really want to see that Dennis Yu slideshow plz. Shoemoney was actually one of the first shitty blogs I read that got me into the whole make money online niche and eventually to affiliate marketing. His blog is full of crap (minus the Dennis Yu drama… golden content right there), but I think we all know Shoe balls. Did you know he makes more than $1700 a week posting links on Google? Pretty good if you ask me!

David Dellanave - Now, I’m not sure who this cat is other than he does some programming and is a partner with Shoe (We all know this secretly means butt-buddies). But, David is from Minneapolis, and gawd damn I’m from Brooklyn Center son… I drive 5 minutes and bam! I can be your butt buddy, too! It would be an injustice to give your vote out to someone who isn’t from Minnesota yeh?

NickyCakes (almost reformed blackhat) – NickyCakes loves Thai women… probably more than me! You shoulda seen this guy pimp out on 10+ girls that last time I met him here. I hear he is writing a book like the Asian version of the Game probably. I’ll have to catch up with him in Vegas so he can show me where all the fake tittied Asians are at.

Erin Hughes (AzoogleAds AM) – Erin… seriously can you please tell your other AMs to stop offering me sexual favors to run traffic to your offers. JK yo. No but seriously… if you had an Asian AM I might think about it…

George Avery (Get Ads) – This guy used to work at CPA Empire, but has now got his own network (just like every other wannabe out there). But people seem to respect you, and since I can’t find any videos taken of you while you were drunk and passed out at the last ASE, I don’t have much else to say about you. Maybe we’ll catch that video at the upcoming ASW.

Neil Patel – Neil posts some really lame quotes up on Facebook, as can be examined on his own blog. But, he did also create Crazy Egg which has been the inspiration for some affiliate tools I’ve had developed and made me some serious cash. So I guess I owe him 2 happy endings if I can’t turn that 2k into 4.

Barman (the one and only) – Dullspace, von doogan, domainers, i once a firelead, wiickedfire.com, affiliate gangster rap, ubot, hurrdurrr, birdman, make money get paid – Barman is probably the father of all of them and if you think he isn’t FUCK YOU SIT DOWN, YES HE IS!

Why else are you going to pay me to go? Because it’s my birthday on January 19th, which just so happens to coincide with ASWs dates. We gonna get crazy drunk and I’ll probably end up spending 10k that night on drinks and then wake up naked next to Shoemoney or something. Think “The Hangover”. B-Day Ballin’…

(Wow… this post was so full of gay I’ve scared myself…)